Imagine if you could have the perfect meal in a restaurant. Imagine if something was not quite to your liking you could make the last few hours, minutes or even seconds happen again, and this time you could affect the outcome. In three short, hilarious, scenarios, this book takes you into that world. And each little tale ends unexpectedly, but perfectly.
Extract: Chapter one - The First Type of Waiter: the one that makes you cringe.
"Hi, guuuuuuuuuys, I'm Trevor (why is it impossible to type in inflection - the best we can do is put "treeeey-vor") and I'll be your server this eve..n..ing."
He lifts his voice at the end of the sentence. Then, as he hands us some kind of document in a leatherette cover with the name of the establishment in stylised writing on the front, he half-sings "is there anything I can get yooooooooooooooo? Water for the table, perhaps? We have still and sparkliiiiiiiiiiing."
Then he stands, not quite straight (I mean he's standing slightly bent. Oh, that explanation isn't helping, is it?) and holding his own hands, almost like he's about to start wringing them. In the absence of anywhere to put them, they inevitably form into a pale-skinned codpiece with impossibly shiny fingernails.
Praise for ENJOY! The Time Travellers' Guide to Eating Out.
"You, too, can be a time traveller. Just read this book over and over again" - Spud Rolls, Speke Tater Today.
"The Greatest British Funny Man today except Boris Johnson and that bloke in Number 10." - German Brexit negotiator.
"I laughed until the pee ran down my leg. Can I say that on national TV?" - A guest on a late night talk show in the USA.
"Fucking hilarious" - A guest on an afternoon talk show in the UK
"Morris-Cotterill is a genius. He insults everyone so everyone who buys his book can learn insults they can hurl at everyone else" - Education in the Modern Style (blog. URL unreachable).
"If I never read another book, I will be less well read than if I do read another. So I read this one and now I'm better read. If you read it, you will be, too." - Worthy Homilies and Wise Sayings for You.
Publication Date 31 July 2017
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Paperback: ISBN 978-1974086542